Washing Frumple Bear

My 4 year old daughter Stella has about 200 stuffed animals. No exaggeration. She hoards them, loves them and tries to sleep with about 30 of them each night. We love watching her love on her little animals and pretend that she is caring for them all. She has recently taken a liking to her brother Sloan's favorite stuffed bear - Frumple. He is 17 years old - the age my son would be if he were still living. He is full of stains and has a faint smell of hospital and PediaSure still on him. I put him in her stuffed animal pile a couple of years ago after I had unpacked him from my son's memory box.

My daughter takes Frumple everywhere now and constantly asks why Sloan isn't there to play with his pal. It is difficult to have a conversation that she comprehends - she truly believes anyone who dies wakes up and comes back the next day. She believes he is playing and will return soon. I love how she thinks. Would help me to think that way sometimes.

The other day she asked me to give Frumple a bath because he was stinky. I got a bit short with her and said "NO!".....she has no idea why. But, I guess I should explain why....

Frumple was Sloan's headrest in his wheelchair. Frumple was Sloan's Hospital bed pal during every hospital stay and every surgery. Frumple was Sloan's napkin as his feeding tube would leak Pediasure all over his fabric coat. Frumple was Sloan's casket companion when he died. He traveled from Ohio to Michigan on the plane with Sloan and was supposed to lay to rest with him at the cemetary. During the ceremony at the funeral my brother Jeremy who was 9 years old at the time walked up to the casket, grabbed Frumple, handed him to me and said "he wants you to take care of him". Frumple became my comforter, my Kleenex and the only smell I could remember my son by for a long time.

My son has been gone for twelve years now. Frumple has been sitting patiently waiting for some time now. My lovely, beautiful, amazing child wants to play with him now. She wants to give him a bath. Ugh.

I put Stella to bed a couple of nights ago and took Frumple in to the laundry room. I smelled him and hugged him close one last time with all of his PediaSure stains and haunting smells. I turned on the washer on gentle cycle, poured in the lavender detergent, gave him a kiss and let the tears falls. In to the washer he went and 30 minutes later he was squeaky clean. I placed him in the dryer and once he was dry I placed him gently in my daughter's bed as she slept. She woke up so happy in the morning!

I miss you Sloan - now I think of you each and every time Stella is playing.
Thank you my two wonderful children for the gift of love you have given me.
Shelley