Trade With Me

Originally written on May 1, 1996

Kiss that dream goodbye -
I'd gladly die instead.
As I cannot change a thing in my world or my head.
What else can I do but to sit and watch it pass.
I cannot repair,
fix
or create
a way of escape for him.
this life I made is flawed and weak.
I created him out of love -
How could I allow love to mix with pain?
Grief is a mild word when I try to grasp the ache.
Why can't he be at peace in this world I brought him in?
He deserves so much more and I want to trade hi place.
So he can live a healthy life without his frail frame.
But, if he traded with me and lived my life-
I could not bear to think he would have to bear my strife.
The strife of watching this humanity pass on before his eyes.
If he is to watch me go on in my demise.
Both of us have pain to share
As I watch him lying there.
A mother's ache is deep and anguished too-
I could not trade and have him experience this as well.
What a dilemma
I must give up control.
God only has the answers to what I do not know.